Episode 5 - The Mixed Up Night Out

This week we explore what it takes as parents to plan a good night out. It’s not easy, but the work is worth it to have that much needed adult time
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Transcript

 The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker's own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of any corporation, company, or employer. Let's get weird. This is the mixed up life. Let's face it. Most podcasts are boring and very few of them get real and raw. Will we? Are definitely about to change that lifestyle, sex, parenting, relationships, entertaining and living in the moment.

Real raw conversations, the mixed up life. And now your hosts, Adrian and Kim.

All right guys. Welcome back to the Mixed Up Life podcast. Thanks for joining us again today. We have a cool topic. I like, I like to think it's cool. Not a lot of people talk about it. Yeah, probably not in this setting. Not, how do I describe it? Everyone talks about date night, but they never talk about the journey to date night when you have children, especially when you have multiple children.

And how do you plan for that? How do you prioritize that? What does that mean? What does it look like? So for us, we are very fortunate that we have family who live close by very, but in that regard, we also. Don't want to rely completely on our family. Doesn't it always just come with a caveats? It does.

Like my mother-in-law is going to wash the kids asterisk, which means that when we get them back, that we will hear complaints about our children. About how your daughter doesn't listen or it's not that she doesn't listen. Your daughter is too smart for her own good. I have no idea how to respond to her.

Your son does what he. These are all complaints that I actually love to hear, by the way. Really . Yeah. Yeah. To hear that my daughter is too smart for her own good and that my son is empowered at one years old to do whatever he wants to do. My mom has an issue of saying no to our children, but she has never had an issue of saying no to me or my sibling, hun.

That's called grandparents syndrome. I know. I know. Grandparents syndrome is literally, I cannot wait for the kids. Okay, anyways. All right, so we're, I cannot wait for the day when I become a grandparent and our kids go, you never did this. And I get to look at them and go, you both are boldface liars, because I've done all this.

I want you to think about that. Think about all the experiences our kids have had. I don't know. Have we sugared them up and left them? That's true. You did do that today. You had donuts with dad. You literally ate donuts with our daughter and left her with her. Teacher provided the donuts with 20 other children who also had donuts with

There you go, . So how do you plan for date nights? And I think for us, I'm gonna give you a little . How do you glimpse into my brain and how I work and function? I think let's go. So I have very big. Like ideas and plans. I want a lot of things like I, it's kind of like the finer things in my life are like a big southern home with like everything that you can think of, all the HGTV things that you can think of, any new trend and all that stuff.

I want a house, a big house so I can throw house parties, but I'm an extremely introverted person, but I want to throw house parties, so this is how my brain works. So anyway. I do a lot of trade offs. I think for us, for me coming to terms that if I get a bigger house, I have to trade off something else, and that means less date nights with my husband, so for me, very true.

I love the idea that my house is bi. By the way, we live in a 1300 square foot house. I'm just telling you that right now. You wouldn't know it though. You wouldn't know it, but we do. We live in a 1300 square foot house. It's considered livable space, and we just add an addition that's really like our sunroom.

So how many square foot? So maybe like we'll round it. 15. Yeah, we'll round up to 1500. We live in a 1500 square foot. . Okay. And I think the average house is typically like 2000 square feet. So, I say that because I trade off lesser mortgage. Is that how you say that? Yeah, you can. A lesser mortgage so that I could afford a sitter.

We could probably afford a higher mortgage, but again, that means I won't have money to go out and enjoy things. Let me just say, it's not that you wouldn't, you would just have to be more cautious. You would actually put a lot more thought into it if we did s.  on some other things. How does that make you feel?

No, no, no. I think that's such a smart thing though because we've, you know, we beginning, we have kids. Yes. We've decided very early on we want to supply our kids with experiences versus we try to. Right. And I think I will give ourselves a pat on the back for that, that we have done, that our daughter has said she loves adventure.

Yes. She just says, I just wanna go an adventure where her expectations are not Mommy, can you buy me the latest toy? Mommy can. She is very big on saying, mommy, can you take me to the aquarium? Mommy help. Can I go to this place or eat this thing, or, yes. So she is very, Her daughter is very focused on food and dining.

She constantly asked us about going out to eat, so when we kind of, you know, reigned in a little bit on eating out, she was not very happy cuz the girl's so used to going out probably. Two to three times a night for dinner. I had a good, good excuse though. We were like, we're not gonna go out cause we're gonna go on vacation.

Yes. We said, I said, we're saving for a cruise. You wanna go on a cruise? And she goes, you right mama. I wanna go on a cruise and that. That's all we gotta say. We be like, we're saving for a vacation. We're gonna use that every time. I know, cuz she loves vacations. She loves like, this girl has been on one cruise and now she's like, hook on on cruise.

And she'll, she says, so we're going on another cruise. And she. . She says, mama, did you sign me up for the kids club? Absolutely. Child. And, and I was like, I'm sorry, what? And she goes, did you sign me up? Like you know that there's gotta be a spot for me, right? And I said, say last. Because we got you. You wanna be dropped off, you got a kid, we got you.

No problem. Um, so that all I say all that because we set priority on having date nights and for us that also means finding a babysitter in the off chance that family's not available or we get tired of asking family. So, because we don't wanna hear anyone say anything. But honestly at this point I'm also like, I have this thing in my head.

I will just ask because you don't know the answer unless you ask. I won't know the answer unless I ask, but I'm also gonna ask, and if you complain about it, I just always go, well, you could have said no true story. You could have said no, but you said yes. So thank you for taking care of my children valid points.

So when it comes to finding a babysitter, I use two websites. And I, I'm gonna disclose them just because I've used them and they're pretty well known. Uh, sitter city.com and care.com, we found our recent sitters through care.com because they come with reviews already. And you can also see if they're CPR certified, they're required, the, the caretakers who are on there are required to go through a background check.

So everybody has to pay for a background check when you're a babysitter on Care dot. , I don't know about Sitter City, but care.com does have background checks, which I really appreciate, cuz the work is already kind of there for you. Mm-hmm.  and be prepared for the starting rate for sitters right now on average is typically between $17 to $25 an hour.

So we have to budget that in when it comes to our date night. Then we set out a budget for date night, like, okay, what do we feel like doing? And we always want to do different date night activities like you. For some people it might be dinner in a movie. For us, it's like we wanna sitter from eight o'clock when the kids go down to two o'clock in the morning, no joke.

And that's just exactly how it goes down. So when you find a sitter, You keep the sitter and you just be consistent with it. For me, I also have multiple sitters, so I have one go-to sitter that I ask first, and then I'll go down the chain. And now it's not like we have like 10 babysitters because it's very important to establish a routine and a relationship of our babysitter with our children.

We only have a limit of maybe two to three sitters, and that's because it is very important for consistency purposes. So when you think about that as parents, you have to think about the people that are in your children's lives. That's just speaking for me. And the, it could be different for other.

Parents for me, I just know my daughter thrives on having consistency. So when she knows that our babysitter is coming, if I say, Hey, I'm Sheila is coming. That's not our babysitter's name, but Sheila is coming tonight and she's gonna do a movie night with you, and then she's gonna put you to bed. And my daughter is like, okay, I'm excited to see Sheila.

I can't wait to do this. Then it's a positive relationship that you're implementing in their life and there's some consistency there. Um, so when it's last minute babysitting, they just know that that's the babysitter. It's the same way when you use family, when you go, Hey, you're going to grandma's, hey, you're gonna go see your uncle.

This is what you're doing. So it's preparing your kids for that babysitter. And I think that's important. That's, that's huge. And I will say this, so you've always been.  in the realm of being able to be very analytical in designing that around our children, which I'm so appreciative of because I can't even think of the stressors that I'd have in my mind even with.

The assistance of the website and background, CH checks, all that good stuff. I just think of all these things like, man, who am I gonna pick? So babysitters today. I will also tell you if you are in need of a babysitter, the way that the process works now is very different. You will no longer be the only person interviewing the sitter.

The sitter will be interviewing you. They, when you reach out, and so when you go on these websites, you post what you.  and then the caretakers will then respond to you. Come to you. Yeah. Come to you. And then you respond and go, okay. Hey, can we do a phone call? Some of them will be like, can we make meet FaceTime just to see if this, can we do a trial run?

Yeah. A trial. Can I meet your kids while you're home? Mm-hmm. . Um, can you we do like an hour or two and see how it goes. Because apparently, . Some of the babysitters that I interviewed, they'd be like, oh yeah, the parents are like, my kids are super easy and they're great, and like, so, and then that's the complete, and then it's the complete opposite.

And then they're like, it absolutely doesn't work out so I'm not going in blind anymore. And I was like, that's okay. It's very much like any other job. I interview you as much as you should interview me. Yeah, and you're right, it there should be a trial run. We do a trial run because I wanna make sure my daughter and my son is vibing with you.

Yeah. So that is super important. And then on top of that, when they, them knowing the scope of your household. Mm-hmm. , I don't think that's a lot of people, I don't know why I picture this, but it's always like you're walking into the house and then.  not giving the tour or not doing this or kind of explaining what?

Well, it's also because I listened to, like this creepy, um, full Body Chills podcast. Uh, and there was this one episode about a babysitter and she didn't, no one gave her a tour of the house. So there was like unknown rooms. Ooh. Where. Like the, the door was locked, but the baby was behind the door that was locked and she couldn't get in anyways.

Okay, so that's again off tangent, but yes, it's a matter of being comfortable. So how do date nights work? We find a babysitter and then for some people date nights are, Well in advanced, like it's once a month. It's on the calendar for us, it could be once a month, it could be every other week. It could just be like me going, you know what, babe?

It has been a week. I am going to text the babysit. And I've done that where I go, I texted my mom, she's taken the kids. Adrian knows nothing about it. I just go, you're just gonna help me pack up the kids. I had other plans entirely and I've. I'm canceling these cuz Kim just hit me up and said, let's, let's go out.

Yes. Mm-hmm. . And then, then there are times where I go, Hey, I just texted the sitter and the sitter's available. Let's go. So again, it's a matter of just knowing that you can text your sitter and just see if they're available. If they're not, then that's why I said you should have multiple, just in the off chance that.

You feel like you really wanna reconnect with your partner. But I say that because we prioritize that part in our relationship. Date nights are very important to us cuz it gives us a chance to reconnect and. Really just after a long, our energy after a long week. And, but it's to the point now where it's not, our daughter is pretty used to it and she'll just, she'll just be like, oh, you guys are going on a date.

Okay, cool. But most of the time, honestly, it's towards the end of the night, we, when we know we're gonna go on date night, we wear the crap out of our children. Like the last time that we were going on a date night, we took our kids to. Like the aquarium or we take them to like an indoor park and we just let them while, and that's after a morning of ballet and dance or what, you know, whatever.

Yeah. So we place emphasis a lot on our family first, but at night it's. Just Kim and Adrian. Yeah. We get us. We get us time and I think that's an important thing and we, so what happens if you can't, if you feel like you can't afford a babysitter? Right? So how does that work? So what Adrian and I do is we have a community of friends as well.

Mm-hmm. , we purposely have friends who have kids. Right. . And I would think like for one couple particularly we have offered just, Hey, how about we just watch your kids? You go on a date night Because we know how stress, how it's yes it is to one, you're nervous of putting your children in the hands of a complete stranger.

You don't have the time to find a babysitter. You don't wanna talk to your parents, or your parents are non-existent, at least in the vicinity that you can call them for a babysitting. So we offer to our friends of. Let us watch your kids, and I've done it. I'm like, Hey, you know what? Go on a date. I got him.

He can hang out. Let me use your child to babysit my child. Thank you, . That's very true. I, I don't think the other parent always pictures it that way, but, uh, it's, it's pretty helpful when you're like, Hey, this is just a play date at this point. Yeah. And I always tell my friends, I go, I don't want anything in return.

I don't need anything in return. I know. I want you to know that as your friend. , I value your relationship with your partner and I want you guys to continue to grow together. And in order for me to do that to, in order for you to do that, I, you have to have someone that's supportive and I, we wanna be that support for you.

We don't need anything in return. We just simply want to support you because we. We like when families are learning and growing together. And in order to do that, we, it literally takes a village. There's no guilt. We don't ask any like real questions. It's just like, just tell me what they like to eat. What do we need to do?

And we've done it so far as like I would go over it to my friend's house and. She like mentioned something. I'm like, go, I'll watch the kids. You go and her husband's out. Like, I, I don't care. Like, I was like, just go and we need to stop guilting each other or feeling guilty for leaving your kids with your friends who you know will care for your children the same way.

So as. I do it for my friends. My friends do it for me too, where I can leave them overnight and feel completely safe and fine. No monetary anything. It's just simply like a barter because it's like, you got me one night, I'm gonna get you the next night. Like it's gonna be fine. . Yeah. No, I, I love that. I think in terms of the whole setting up the babysitter, setting up the community, making sure that your kids are in good hands all the time, that's just like base setting for your relationship.

I think it is. And you gotta remember we came before kids. Yes. Right. You, you are the foundation Yeah. Of your household. I often ask and, and I talk to, you know, my guy friends all the time, and I'll say, , you know, who come, whether they're just getting married or just having kids. And I always ask who comes first?

I was like, does your kid come first or do you, you know, you and your partner come first. And the answer is always like, oh, my kids, my kids definitely come first. And then I'm, I, they look at my face when I'm, you know, we're talking about this. And I go, mm, that's not how it works. In our relationship. In our relationship, me and my wife come first.

Yeah. So usually how it works is you, yourself should come first. You, you as a person, you as a mom, you as a father. , that all goes kind of to the wayside. You have to focus on yourself, yourself first, right? What, what relaxes you? What is gonna give you the energy to continue to have the energy to grow with your family?

So it goes you, then it comes your partner. Right? Mm-hmm. . So cuz this is your partner in life and again, building that strong foundation for your household, however it looks in your life, it's different for everyone. Yeah, for us it's very 50 50. Cause I go, I have a very morbid mind. I think constantly thinking of when and if I die tomorrow.

You will continue without me cuz you know what our kids' favorite toys are, what they like to watch. You know their favorite foods, you know their allergies, you know how to do laundry, you know the basics of dishes and dishwasher. You know there are things, you have a survival guide because I have, you have been my partner and you have walked me through it and I will continue to walk you through it.

And then mine is, just use my life insurance policy to pay somebody else to do it.

That's what it comes down to. You don't need to learn how to do the pool, pay somebody to do the pool. You don't need to. So just, I think that's really important, right? That you establish that foundation because then you set an example for your children to see there. If you guys are in sync together, then they're like, this is Roland.

We are good. And they know that you'll always be present and you know, My daughter, our daughter knows when I need a break. Like she's she when, yeah, or when I say daddy needs a. And then you just leave it at that. Just like how sometimes our daughter will say, I need alone time. And we say, okay, that okay, sounds great.

And she's just sitting in her room reading by herself. She just needs alone time. She'll ask for it too. Just the way that we would communicate and ask that we need alone time from each other too. So I think that's really important cuz you set the standard and you set the example tho. Yeah. Those skills early and.

In terms of the date night, so we, we e established foundation is us and moving into a date night, I don't think we plan. We kind of plan, but we don't, we don't have really strict plans when it comes to, so we don't always go to the club for date night. No, no. I always try to switch it up and Adrian tries to switch it up too.

So we've been doing like different things like I totally. I don't really like mini golf, but mini golf, the Okay. Putt Shack was so fun that that mini golf was an excellent night. If you haven't been to Putt Shack, you have to check it out. She gotta go first with some friends, and I didn't get to go and ever since I saw it, I didn't get to play the first time I saw it.

Yes. I actually went to the facility where they have it and I went, I want to play so bad. So what's another date? Night? Appetizers are great. We love appetizers. Go inside, go sit at a bar and oh, pick a new restaurant you've never like and go sit at the bar. This is what, yes, this is the key. People don't think about this.

So for us, we are not picky. So if you go into picky as in a sense of. Place setting cuz I'm already on a date with my husband. I get to sit next to him anyways. I don't care for an actual private table. So we will, so they'll be like, okay, the wait's like two hours or an hour and a half and I'm like, okay, cool.

Put my name down. I will stalk people to see when they walk away from the bar, cuz they'll be like, the bar is open seating. I was like, yes. Or normally the bar is already. Seats open. Yeah. Or we'll just walk. You'll see people's faces that be like, where are these people going? And we're like, we're going straight to the bar.

Cuz we know the bars first come first serve and it's also full service most of the time. The bar's a full service at restaurants. So you can do that. Little hint, take that with you on your dirt date night. I kid you not. It works nearly every time. I think there's all but been a five minute wait one time.

Yeah. When we were waiting for somebody to, to leave up the. , just go straight to the bar. You're still gonna have the same conversation. Same type of night. If somebody judges you over your conversation at the bar, that means they are listening too hard to what you're saying, . So, yeah, we, we've had a mini, a great night and that normal restaurant where you go, oh, we're never gonna get a place to sit cuz we didn't plan in advance.

Yeah. We go anyway. Go to the bar. Go to the bar, go to the bar. Yeah. As, as perfect to the bar. We've done that a minute times. I'm trying to think another date night that we, we. Painted together yet? No, we haven't done a, like a, what is it called? Sip and paint. Yeah, or paint night. My, my paint would be the area.

So very bad. We do a lot of appetizers. We love, I love snacking on different foods, so that's why, and when I go out for, when we go out for date night, I get a three-course meal. I get the appetizer, I get an entree, and I get dessert all the time. And sometimes if I'm really being in the moon, maybe I'll order.

every so often I, I kind of get inspired and I'll sit down and I'll say, Hey, or I'll see a place and I'll say, Hey, I want to go here. And I'll kind of like write it in my notes in my phone. Oh, okay. So I have like eight places right now that are on the list, but then the putt putt place, putt check. When you show me that, that like immediately went to.

Yes, of the list. There's also like other, sometimes you have to go out to the city. We've done karaoke where it's just us in karaoke. It's just us in a karaoke room. There's. So many like karaoke lounges where you like rent your room by the hour and you just browse the music that they have and you just back your heart out.

That's so much fun. You sing your heart out, so fun with your partner and it's just you two in there like, shoot. Like just do it. It's fun. And it's a way, again, to reconnect. And it's also another way for you to be like, You know this song, you know this song, ? Yeah. That's very true. Yes. That's, I like the karaoke.

I like the the go. Just sit at the bar. In a restaurant, you may think it's too busy. Some people do. It's very practical advice. Making candles together and stuff that's. It's kind of cool too. Candle. We haven't done candles. Yeah, candle making. Yeah. Even though Adrian loves candles, I like, I like buying them the way they smell, and I don't know about making them.

I will come home and there are three, five candles like all being lit and it drives me absolutely bananas because I don't like to waste candles because then he just leaves 'em laying out three candles in the three main parts of the house. Hi. And then you're, We're still going, so yes, I just, so that's date night.

When you do date night. Again, just leaving you our mixed up friends with a challenge of doing something different for date night. Mix it up. Mix it up. If you wanna drive out of like go out into your city, do it and just find, stop making the excuse of, it's so far no. Go and do it just like once and experience it.

Or find a local restaurant that you haven't tried yet, and. Or if you're really feeling. Like you really want it and need it. Just do Waffle House . You're such a good one. Oh. Or do like for some cities, there's like a drive-in theater. Go get your favorite fast food restaurant and then go find a drive-in theater and sit and just do it like they did it in back then where you just only watch movies outside.

What about like spas? , you wouldn't be able to talk and you don't have sex together in the spas. I know this, and you're not naked with each other in those locker rooms. I also know this, but you can do the spas together. See, I was not talking about anything like that. That's where your mind went. I was keeping it very relaxing.

Adrian likes to, so some of these spas, like he's talking about the Korean spas that they have, like there's a spa land around here, j They have different ones across the country that you can definitely check out. Those are really cool. I do recommend that because we've done that one time. Yeah. Um, we've done that together in Dallas.

When we lived in Dallas. Yes. Yes. So that was kind of cool. And if you're really curious about it, I'm happy to talk to you about that too. But the, the spa is more, those saunas are different room saunas, and then they have locker rooms where it, it's just like with showers and people who scrub your dead skin, like exfoliate, full body exfoliation.

It's coed in the saunas, so that is really cool. But yes, I was just talking about just going to, yeah, so like to relax different, what? What are those foods? Uh, different foods. You don't say genres of food. What do you say? Categories of food? , genres, cultures, categories, cultures. There's a Just different foods.

Yes, like, but there's a w Anyways, try different foods together. Like if you've never tried hot pot, go. Oh. If you've never tried sus. Go. There's conveyor belt sushi, which is really cool. Totally recommend that. That's really good. So hot pot sushi. Korean barbecue is also one. It's just anything you haven't tried before.

Yes. Be open-minded to trying it together. And if you guys don't like it, then you don't like it. Make a date night of it. Yes. We've had a many a times like where we go do something and be like, eh, that wasn't, and we just find that next thing. Oh, there's like different experiences that you can do together, like your.

Nineties experience, right? Oh yeah. So those are fun. Look, look on like what's the Groupon? Stuff like that to try to find these little exp I think they have an experienced category now. Yeah. Go to concerts together. Concerts are great. We love gonna to concerts together. Yeah. Um, those are always fun. Yeah.

Yeah. But those are just like classic ideas. I think that we're just giving you classic ideas. Those are great. Yeah. My, my favorite practical tip though was, Bars. Just walk up to the bar bars, do the bars. That, that is the strongest tip. I can give two people going out on the date with little lead time. Yes.

To like set reservations and stuff. Just go, even if it's busy, just go straight to the bar. Beeline it. Yeah. That's good. That's good stuff. What else? Anything else on date night? I, a very unique one. Mm-hmm.  to the Georgia Aquarium is, you can do, I think it's, Zips by the sea or knight by the sea. You can basically, you and your partner with a group of, like, cuz there's other poop people that will join you.

Mm-hmm. , I think it's a hundred dollars where you get to spend the night at the aquarium. You, you were telling me about that. And you sleep underneath, basically underneath the ocean. Yes. . Yeah, I, I told you I don't think I'd be able to sleep  one. It's just like it's water like on top of you. So, but two, I'd want to just like look at it for maybe it's very tranquil and peaceful.

It's supposed to be right. Very tranquil. You just got sea turtles just going. Mm-hmm.  going over you. Yeah. We'd have to try. You'd have to try that out. I wouldn't mind trying that at all. I think that'd be so. Yes, they have like adult ones with like alcoholic beverages and stuff too. The even better. So yes.

That's cool. Something for you to do, but yes, so that's it. Challenge you to find something different for your date nights. Challenge you to mix it up. Thanks for being with us. All right, see you next time. Thank you for tuning in to the Mixed Up Live, subscribe and chat with us on Instagram and make sure to follow the adventures on Spotify.

Or wherever you get your podcast.