Episode 6 - Mixed Up In The Club

This week we describe some in’s and outs of one of our favorite lifestyle clubs. We will definitely need a part two to relive some of our favorite memories
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Transcript

 The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker's own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of any corporation, company, or employer. Let's get weird. This is the mixed up life. Let's face it. Most podcasts are boring and very few of them get real and raw. Well, we are definitely about to change that.

Lifestyle, S parenting relationships, entertaining and living in the moment. Real raw conversations, the mixed up life. And now your hosts, Adrian and Kim.

All right. Welcome to the Mixed Up Life podcast. I can't believe it's episode, whatever now. Whenev. I think it's like five, six. Yeah, I think we're on five or six. Oh my goodness. Like that's, that's a lot of, um, that's a lot of talking. But it's funny cuz we've probably done a lot of talking in between it. We have, it has been a very long time that we haven't caught on camera at all.

Or just talking into the mic. It's been busy, but not like, not crazy busy in the sense that the things that the fun stuff hasn't been happening. We've had plenty of fun.  life has just been very busy for us, and I'm glad that we're finally able to sit down and get the podcast started and now you guys are listening to us, so if you're new, welcome.

We talk about random things,  a lot. We talk. So yes, we absolutely do. , we talk about some random stuff and we can go off tangent quite, quite a bit because my brain is like that of a squirrel. So the minute we talk about something and I'm like, wait, wait, we have to . I . So your squirrel brain feeds into my squirrel brain as well.

So when you go off tangent, I come right along with you. I know. So I try to reel us back in a lot. We, we do a good job of that. We eventually find our way. Back to the topic at at hand. So speaking of topic, okay, so today's topic is on what does it mean to go to a swinger's club or a lounge or going somewhere.

where it's a majority of people in the lifestyle. So things like a hotel takeover. What does that mean and what does it mean to go, I don't, I don't think you're, we're gonna cover all of that, so we're just gonna break it out. , I don't think we're gonna get to all of that, cuz that's a lot. But I, when I think about this, yeah.

Okay. I think we're, Adrian's very excited about this topic. So we are gonna kind of break it down so I have it in my brain an outline Okay. Of what we'll be talking about. So I cannot wait to see how this works. So we will start off by talking about. Before going to the club. This is, and I want to stress the importance of this is just what we go through and this is how we process things.

This is not like an end all, be all. This is not an advice kind of thing. No. It is just simply telling you what our experience is like in hopes that it kind of gives you some insight and. That leads me to say that someone reached out and said, you know, I'm really glad to listen to y'all because I've been really interested and I wanna explore with my partner, but I don't wanna Google things cuz that's just weird.

Like, I don't know what to Google and how to Google and like, So it was very nice, and I never thought of that because I'm always Googling. So if you look at my Google history, they don't wanna Google because they don't want the feds to be like, oh, wow, look at what they're Googling.  goodness if, if the feds knew what I was Googling, come on.

Why are we talking about ? No, what? What? What I'm saying is that's the LA line. Okay, so last thing you care about. Let's talk about, okay. Boundaries, and then we will lead into club expectations. Okay. I'll try to follow. I, I will. And then after, I'm gonna after club expectations, the club experience. So we'll start off with our boundaries before the club boundaries.

Yes. So before going to the. We thought it would be best, like before even ever stepping foot into the lifestyle, really. Sure. We discussed our boundaries and we've learned that since we've entered the lifestyle that some people don't have boundaries, and that's okay too. Threw me off a little bit, , because it was like we'd introduce ourselves and then couples would be like, oh, we have no boundaries.

Like everything is fair game. Everything goes fair. And then I was like, okay, cool. And then there's us who are very. I think analytical in a sense because I always think of the what ifs and I go, yeah, what if you find some hot Sophia? Oh, that, what if have a Longoria? Like what? What if you find some, I probably mispronounce her name and I'm so sorry.

Whereas I think of the what ifs of like safety and all that good stuff. My wife is going, I hope you don't run into Sophia Vigar. I don't say, I hope. I think of. Again, what if situations of how do I respond to that? What is the best way to communicate how I'm feeling in the moment without ruining an evening out with my husband?

And I think that's what I think about. I know safety always comes first. So we do talk about that. Yeah. When it comes to us, it is protection always.  and I would assume that it was just like that anytime we're meeting someone mm-hmm.  or we're in the moment, someone has protection, um, in that regard. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So that, I mean obviously that's boundary number one. Mm-hmm. , it's like safety and making sure that we main, well we have maintains safe like com always, right? Yes. And then we talk about things. Like, do we wander off? Do we have solo experiences? How do you feel about that? Mm-hmm. , what if you see someone you are interested in and I'm not interested in the other partner?

How does that work out? It's setting rules and expectations and knowing that your partner has your back. I think that's really important. Yeah. I think when we started having our own experiences, we found ourselves very, . I don't know if Barry is, I was very admired by other couples that support each other in that moment.

Oh, so absolutely. What, like what do you do if your partner's not into it? Like what do you do if your partner is turned off and can't get up? How do you, there's a lot of nuances that I think we. Discussed prior to even having some of those experiences, which lessened the, the stress of those experiences.

That, and I think it's also very important that you set the boundaries and the expectations that you will touch base with your partner if that's something that you need. So we agree that we will not engage in solo play. Yeah. Cuz we like to be around each other. And that's, that's not to say, Kim can't be in the same room doing something, I can be in the same room doing something.

But the idea is we're together. Like we're in the same space. Present. Yeah. Together. Present in the moment's. The perfect way to put it. I think it was also we've had our own solo experiences. Yeah. And we, again, it's trial and error. So we realized that going separately, that we were like, that's not our thing.

Yeah. That's not something we want to do. So then we said, okay, from now on we are just gonna be together. We have the discussion of what if I'm turned on, but you're not turned on. Mm-hmm.  or he's turned on and I'm not turned on. What do we do? Our agreement was that. Then that's it. Then we seize play.

That's it. Yep. There's no, for us it's, you know, it's not gonna be, well, I'm, I really want it. No, we very much are on the same terms when it comes to that. For me, the win has always been,  us being able to advance, not advance what we've already had, but enhance. I think we use the word enhance a lot. Yeah. So I think the thing about the lifestyle, for us at least, it is not to replace anything.

Yeah. It is simply to enhance our experience or not life together. We are by no means really bored with each other, per se. We love being able to experience new things together and that. Part of our life right now, trying to navigate that and make new friends. Yeah, we've learned a lot and in a very short period of time.

Yes. I think it's also important to know interactions and how we communicate with those in the community. So what do you do if, where you are engaged and mm-hmm. , you feel uncomfortable, how do you, how does your partner support you in that? So I think. That's, those are really hard boundaries. Were there anything else?

Absolutely. So we did that not taking one for the team. We, we, we say this so often. It almost sound, it, it sounds very high schoolish now that I think about it, but it is, it's a huge thing, especially when it comes to play and. You want. Listen, if you wanna play with somebody, sometimes there is going to be a very rare four way connection.

It's, it's hard to come by. Like they're, I think we've had all of, what, two couples that we've mm-hmm. , you know, really been like, okay, this is, it has to be organic for some couples. It's not organic. We're only speaking for our own experience. I will say that Adrian's right. We go with the intent of going, we are not gonna be taking one for the team.

So a lot of the times that sounds, so I will, what I do when we go out and about is out and about. I always go into the night. And I go, damn. She's like really hot. Okay, but there's potential here. And you know, and there was this one time where we went somewhere and I was like, oh man, I'm so vibing with her.

She's, my husband would love you. And I'm not telling her this. I'm just like thinking, I'm like, oh man, my husband. Would love the crap outta you. Like this would be so great. And then I meet the husband and I was like, oh, I'm not. But because, and I am always the one going, bitch, she's so hot. , why? I'm always the one, I literally sit there and I go, why?

Okay. And then, You move on. And it's the same way as I would be where I'm like, damn, he is okay. He's got it going on. This is, there's potential. It is very rare by the way. And so I go, okay, we have some potential. And then I look at the wife and I was like, She has, there's nothing there. Oh, we're just gonna have to, yeah, we've, we've had a few of those occurrences and she's, she pointed out more than I can ever point it out where I'll be sitting at a bar or, you know, coming back from the restroom or something and she'll be like, oh my goodness, I just saw this girl.

And then she'll point her out and then next thing you know, the husband comes around the corner and it's just, There's not a whole lot of equity and that, and that's not to say people belong together in many different shapes, sizes, fashions. It's also making us sound very okay, shallow. But I also want to stress that we love the lifestyle because it provides us.

With a community that we can simply be ourselves. This is the one community where consent is at the top tier. Absolutely. And if you just wanna be friends with people, that's it. You just gotta be upfront about it. No one's gonna be in their feelings about it. Yeah. And so far it's worked really well for us where it's like, this ain't it.

Like we just gonna be be friends and we gonna hang out. Attractions are a real thing, especially in a very. Sex positive environment. Mm-hmm. . Right. And if you're not able to, that probably should be another hard boundary. If you're not able to communicate those attractions or lack thereof, this, it might not be for you.

Like I think communication is just on the forefront of so much of what we do in this community. I have. Met so many couples and I love interacting with the different couples. And every couple that I have met thus far has a very positive relationship and yes, means of communication. Yes. And that doesn't mean a sense of like attractiveness by any means, but it's just a very good balance.

So a lot of the. The people in the community are in a very stable relationship. They see eye to eye on things. They're always on the same page. They are very in sync with each other. Yes. So don't be surprised when you enter the lifestyle and you go to the club and you meet people and you find that their person,  is their person.

They will identify their person with you, and their person is always at the core, and it's amazing. And it's also amazing to see that they always have each other's back. I, I was gonna say, doesn't that feel so good to, like, you'll talk to a couple and the vibe is the chemistry is just so. , like their energy feeds into yours and then vice versa is like a, a big circle of, I'm also learning that it's not, sometimes it's not even a matter of like, it is a, what I'm attracted to, but it's also like the vibe of like personalities and conversations.

Are you able to have a conversation with me? Absolutely. Are you so in sense it's like double dating, right? Like, it's like we are dating another couple and that's the idea of the, is speed. Is speed dating in its finest cuz you, you probably only have. A very short window of first impression, just like everything else, but even shorter.

And this is the one community. I will tell you that it is okay for you to be like, this is my first time because everybody will just come out because, because I've met plenty of couples and they're just like, this is our first time here. We're so nervous and. Everyone in the community is super welcoming.

I'm not gonna come up to you and be like, this is your first time. Oh my gosh. Just take off all your clothes and we'll just like wander around naked together. We were, we were, we were there at one time also. Yes. So I mean, many times, and we still will be many times over because there's probably a ton of things we haven't experienced yet.

I think that's to say that a lot of people in the community understand where you're coming from and we've all been. And there's no such thing as a dumb question in the community. Man, I have asked the most ridiculous questions and no one has ever been rude to me about it or shy by any means. Everyone's very open and answers my questions, responds really well.

It's a very, again, sex positive environment, but it's also a lot of the. Other than one time where I've had like one woman snug me, but , I, I couldn't. Yeah. But most of the time it's women empowering other women too, which I think is amazing. And it's an amazing feeling that I can compliment other women without feeling weirdness, per se.

It's not even being weird, but to have another woman compliment me or initiate conversation. Simply just to have a conversation without any intent or any ill intent. Well, no one, no one's ever behind it whatsoever, other than positive. Hey, yeah, no one's ever fishing for another compliment, right? It's like, you know, you know, you, you feel guilty when someone goes, I know.

Hey, I love your sweater. And then you look at them and. Okay. Quick thing, I love your socks. And then it's like really awkward. But in that environment, I think it's just a matter of just being really positive. I see. So in, in terms of, first off, I've never pictured that as being part of the community and like such an important part to you.

So that's, that's really cool. Um, but on top of that, it's just finding like minds, I guess. So people. Any topic could be on the table and you don't bring it to the table knowing there's gonna be some predisposition or judgment before you even get there. It's probably the first environment I've been where I've been like, I can talk about anything and I know what I get back in return won't be ill intent.

It'll be either genuine questions, genuine opinions or advice or whatever the case may be. It'll will all be genuine at the end of the. . So all that to say, boundaries are discussed first before you enter the club. So our boundaries, safety, were safety first. There's no taking one for the team. We're always gonna be together in a sense of being in the same room.

Yes. Present. We start with each other and we end with each other. Absolutely. I think that was it thus far, if I can remember. That was good. Okay. We've, we've written out a few more here and there, like nuances between us. Yes. Um, but also I think I should.  before we move on to like talking about the actual club.

Yes. Rules and boundaries change as you evolve and grow. Yes, because remember, it's all trial and error. Yes. Like you don't know what's gonna work for you, how you're gonna feel in that moment. Now, the one important thing about us is if one of us is uncomfortable, if we've just had an experience and you feel off, then you'd have to communicate that fast.

Yes. You communicate it very quickly if you, it's just a look, or you have a safe word together. That's important. That is very important. Like just the safe word between you two, and then you just call it a night and you just say, okay, that was great. Now we know we won't do that again. I like that. And then you move on.

There is no need for you to continue to.  to feed because neither one of you knew what the other's reaction was gonna be. And if you keep picking at it, it's just not gonna help you continue to grow with each other. The point of, for us being in the lifestyle is so that we can grow together. Mm-hmm. Adrian and I have been together since we were 19 years old.

This is all we've known  with each other. Now you have to come to terms that this is the person you are going to grow with. Life is about making compromises and I'm, I'm willing to make compromises for my partner so I can grow with my partner. I think that's the biggest challenge for those who get married absolutely, really young, is not knowing.

how you're gonna grow through the years 19 to 33 is as an individual and together. Yes. So it's all about you as a person first, right. As an individual and then your partner and how you guys can mesh together because we are not the same people from when we first met. Yeah. And I think it's really important for us to acknowledge that part.

So make sure that. , continue to do that with your partner no matter what stages you are in your life. Like if you guys are just now kicking it off, or you're like, oh, I did the lifestyle with my previous partner and now I'm doing it with someone new, or mm-hmm. , how do I introduce my interests of the lifestyle to my new partner?

Oh. So that's also something that I know some people experience. Mm-hmm. . So I think that's kind of,  like need too. But also just be patient. Be patient. Give yourself grace. And I tell women that I meet who just started getting their feet wet. I think I've recently met a woman who said, yeah, he's been in the lifestyle for a while now.

I'm still new. And she made the comment of like, I wish. I wish I had your mentality of like, let's just do it and have fun. Mm-hmm. . And I said, girl, it takes a long time to even get there. Like, and that's okay. And I said, don't expect that of yourself because you are still learning and you're trying to figure out what your places in the community, right?

Like how are you feeling? What is it gonna be like? So it's, it's different. And just like how you talk about boundaries, you also have to discuss what are you gonna do if you meet someone that you know at the club. How would you interact then? No, never thought about it. Well, we've thought about that, but we, we don't put as much thought into it.

Yeah. So it, because we've discussed it, because for us it's like, You know why you here? We're all in the same, we know why we here. We're all in the, the same, we're all in here. But we won't acknowledge cuz it's not like we really hanging out here. I'm not Yeah. I'm not gonna awkwardly come in and talk to you or something.

I'm not gonna be like So you in it, right?

Okay. Moving on to the club. So I didn't know anything accidentally walked in about the club until Adrian approached me about it. Yeah. Do we disclose what club we go to? Or just like, cuz there's two locations. Yeah. So, okay. We go to trapeze. Mm-hmm. , right. And we'll just say there's two locations. There's one in Florida, there's one in Atlanta.

Mm-hmm. . Um, one we like better. We're not gonna say yet cuz we haven't experienced the other one as many times. That's correct. So we're gonna, I think we should save our bias until we love more. So just know this. Okay. I'm not, I don't, I'm not a salesperson for Trap, so I don't really know, but I know that there's certain nights we should say that, right?

We are in no way, shape or form endorsed  by any club. No. We're just telling you our experience. This is just our honest, but I will tell you this. Okay. All right, so they have theme nights. Check the website. Go to trapeze, I think@trapeze.com or trap trapeze trapeze atlantic clubs com. Something. No, no, no, I got it.

Okay. Trapeze clubs.com. If you want to go to, I mean, if you really wanna Google Trapeze Club that was show up, probably wanna use your phone and not like your work computer, just like Oh, true. Good. Anyways, so there. Membership that you have to buy to get into the club itself? Yes. Okay. And it, when you approach these clubs, the doors are completely blacked out.

You can't really, you can't see in at all. There's a security guard. There's usually valet parking your car. Very discreet, very discreet. Add some fun and love to your podcast playlist with the Mixed Up Life Podcast. A podcast far from Ordinary with a dash of extraordinary. Join host, Adrian and Kim on an adventure to navigate this mixed up life with chats, covering topics from love and romance to real talk about personal stories and experiences.

Each episode is a fun, real, in wall conversation about stories we can all relate to in our mixed up. Join in on the fun and listen to the Mixed Up Life podcast on Spotify, apple Podcast, and wherever you get your podcast. Okay. Welcome back to the Mixed Up Life podcast. We're just telling you about our review of trapeze, and we're saying the website, she couldn't figure out the website, but it's trapeze.

clubs.com. We are not paid or endorsed by any clubs. , I wish I had like the full thing where I can like tell you for sure what it is, but, um, all the same. Okay, so, so look on their website so you can figure out the nightly themes that they have. Yeah, they are typically open. , I wanna say Wednesday through Sunday, I believe that's right.

Yes. And you, when you're new, you have to sign up for a membership and you sign up for a membership in two month increments, and then you have to pay a nightly fee. Yeah. So the nightly fees will go up depending on which night you go. Yes. Like Wednesday through Sunday. Yeah. Yes. You can check all that online.

I will say that typically,  Saturdays are reserved only for couples. Mm-hmm.  and single ladies. Correct. So that is something you have to know. It is dressed to impress. Always attire. So it's like classy club wear or lingerie. I mean, don't show up to the club not wearing clothes. Like come fully clothed and then kitchen.

You wanna make sure slacks, collared shirts, shoes, nice shoes. No, not sneakers. Mm-hmm. . Uh, so, so you want to, as if you are going to impress, you know, it's like a nice date night. It is. That's what I would, I would, I will say, Even if you're not in the lifestyle, don't you need to just don't give that away.

You, you just need to go experience it just for like a date night. I think it's a gr because when we first went to Trap, we signed up for a membership mm-hmm.  and it, it was just a date night for us cuz we were like, okay, we'll just go in there and we'll see how it goes. So it's also bring your own bottle.

So you have to bring your own alcohol. So make sure that whichever club that you decide to go to, that you bring your own alcohol and they have all the mixers there for you. They'll mix all the drinks for you, okay? You just have to bring your own alcohol. So some people will bring like a case of beer for the night.

They usually chuck the beer in the wine that night though. So liquor they'll keep for about a month, and then they. Well back up. Let's walk into the club first. , see, this is the chan. This is the tangent I'm talking about. No, but that's the stuff you need to know you, so that's great. But you gotta get there.

We're not even in the club yet. We are. We are at the counter and I am setting. Didn't saying we're at the counter. Okay. We're at the counter. You, they go, let me, let me, let me, you or returning member? No, let me back up. , you drive up to the club, they have valet. These are all very important things, right?

Because it, it sets the scene. They have valet there, right? A really efficient valet, by the way. Get out your car. Boom, boom, boom. Now you're walking into a very discreet, I'm sorry, did you guys get that? Boom, boom. I don't know. Where are we right now, Adrian? We are walking into the club. We've gotten out of our car.

Have you been? Yeah, I'm being fresh right now in front of the door where all windows and doors see through things are basically blacked out. You can't see into this establishment because it is very discreet. Yes. Okay. Getting pat down, , they wanna make sure everybody's safe. Walk in to what is usually some very lovely ladies.

at the counter working there, helping you out. So they'll ask you, are you new or returning? If you are a new member, they'll ask you to fill out the membership and information so you can sign up, and then they'll ask for your driver's license to check that you're of H. Yep. And then you go in and then they sign you up, and then you're well on your way.

Now there is something called Newbies night sometimes. Mm-hmm. . And they'll give you like a tour when you sign. Of the place. So that might be your choice. If you want something a little more mellow, if you're looking more for like high energy and like club vibes. Even if you're new and you're like, I'm ready to just get in there, go on a Friday or Saturday night, probably more Saturday cuz it's couples.

Mm-hmm. That way you don't get bombarded by, if you're not into single guys, sometimes it's, you know, that's a thing. So just make sure that you know that. Yeah. Couples are usually on a Saturday night. It's usually more busy, it's more club scene vibes, like there's always music playing, so just know that.

Okay, so when you walk in, right after you sign up and register and stuff, you walk in, there's typically a bar, right? So make sure you bring your alcohol cuz they give you a number. Yeah. So you bring your own bottle in. Mm-hmm. , they give you the number, put it behind the bar so you can locate it by your member number.

And then the bartender will make your drink with any mixer that you want or need. Mm-hmm.  FY a when you walk in, don't be surprised. There's porn playing everywhere. So that's true and that's something that still surprises us to this day, where you're lost in the environment. Cuz it, it honestly, it feels like any other club, depending on where you're sitting, it could either feel like a club or like a really like nightlife type lecture.

Like lounge, like it feels like a lounge. So it's a very good blend because. In bowls clubs in either location. That's the kind of vibe it is. Yeah. It's kind of like loungey over here, and then there's a dance floor, and then there's like a co counter for food. That's my favorite vibe. There's like a eating, so let me portion.

Yeah. Let me tell you about the food. Okay? Because this is why I'm telling you if you are even remotely curious, just to see how it all goes down. Mm-hmm. , if you're just like, I just wanna know what the vibe is like I wanna, you know, okay. Go. Because there's food, so you have to bring your own alcohol. You don't even have to drink your own alcohol.

Like if you don't drink alcohol, cool. They have water and coffee and tea offered there for you anyways. They have like a nightly menu and you could find it online and they. Meals, like it'd be, it's like buffet style, but think of like the buffet has like your apps, your entrees, and then it has your dessert.

They also have, you know, other apps like your salad and stuff, and it's all included in your nightly fee that you pay. So even if it doesn't like work out on your vibe, or if you're like, I'm not really feeling it, then just have a good dinner. Have a good meal, and if you stay past midnight, good point.

They start serving you breakfast. Good point. Good point. Yes. Yes. So stay four, at least stay long enough cuz they open at eight. Right. So I would say I would, I don't gear towards eight. We don't gear towards eight cuz you know the clubs don't get up until like 11. 11. Yeah. But I wouldn't want you to miss the entree meals of the day unless it's a really big event night.

And then eight o'clock is hopping already? Yes. That's fine. Just know, I think you should go at a really good time, maybe like nine or 10, right? So that you can eat dinner, enjoy dance for a little bit, and then you get hungry again, and then you go eat breakfast. I mean, in between then you might be like sleeping and playing and you know, hanging out.

Not sleeping. Ain't nobody's sleeping up. Not sleeping, but like.  playing, having some fun. Right? Okay. So anyways, we have to talk about, so now you know the setting, there's porn playing. You got bartender, you got food over here, and you got the dance floor. Okay. Yeah. All most dance floors. Yeah. Have the pole right.

So all my ladies out there who know anything about pole dancing, this is your chance to shine. Most dance floors have a stripper pole. When they're just in the club. In the club. And the. Both locations had it. Oh, I thought you meant just in general. Adrian was gonna say, what club are you going to? That's what I was thinking.

I was like, I don't like clubbing. Or what His clubs, his clubs that he goes to with his friends have poles everywhere. You catch my dress, they're literally called strip clubs. Yes. So, yes. So they have poles everywhere. So when I, so I didn't know if this expanded to regular . So when I say clubs, I'm assuming Adrian was like, oh.

You go into those clubs without me? I, no, I just thought for sure there's now a regulation. It's a trend. Yeah. A trend across the board. You didn't catch that vibe. It's a trend. Now. I didn't know there's stripper poles everywhere, but it makes sense. It makes sense. I'm the pole . Makes sense. So yes. But both locations do I, um, from what I remember that yes.

Okay. As well. So now comes the big part of what. Where does the sex happen? Okay. Technically it can happen anywhere. It be prepared, please, and I'm just gonna tell you that, okay? Don't try not to wear it on your face, okay? When you get to the club and you're dancing and you're having a good time, and then you turn your head and there is some woman going to town.

On, on her man, whatever man. And she is just happy. And you know she's doing her own thing or you catch, you know, them just doing it. That's just a thing. It happens at the cl. It could literally happen next to you on the dance floor. It could be, but someone could just be really into it. Technically I could.

And just be getting it. There it is. Just sex everywhere. It's the one place that you can dance. And hike up your dress and you might not even be wearing panties. And that's okay. I will say this, there's not as in the front, at least earlier in the night. Not as much. Yes. All right. Maybe towards the end of the night.

So now you get in the club. That's the front. Okay. We are talking about the front. Now when you go towards the back there, there is a locker room attendant. Yes. And in the very back, in order for you to go there, you basically have to be. Or wear nice lingerie to enter that area. Towel naked or lingerie. Yes.

Yes. You can't be naked and wear a blazer. No, that's clothing. A blazer is clothing. Even though you were naked, even though you're trying to look like a very seductive businesswoman. Oh, so big thing. You cannot talk about anything related to prostitution or anything when you go to these clubs. Oh, of course.

Yeah. It is a very, and there's big signs on the door that says that too. They are happy to revoke your membership and throw your butt out. If you say, even if it's like jokingly, it is not a joke. Yeah, yeah. No, no. I think that's pretty, that should be pretty standard. But anyway, in the back. So yes. Naked. So the thing about the back is it could be a little shock and awe for people and I it, I think it was for us even.

brand new in that environment, even with no one back there, it could still feel like, whoa, what world am I stepping into? Because it's not your classic, I'm stepping into a bedroom. It is, I'm stepping into a play area and, but it's kind of like a fantasy that you can picture in your mind. You just gotta dumb down the expectation just a little bit where they have big.

couches, everything is made of, you know, very cleanable furniture. Like yes, where you can, can sanitize everything. That's another thing worth mentioning is you're not gonna be sitting in other people's fluids, is what I think. That's a lot of what people envision, but that's why you have towels of your own towels.

Sanitizing stuff. There's sanitizing spray everywhere. I mean, yeah, it's just in the case that like if this is your first time and you want to play, you, can you have, they give you clean towels. I don't know if you can bring your own towels. I've never even looked at that. Yeah, you can cuz you can bring your own bag and toys and everything.

Yeah. And you can bring like your robe, things like that. If you feel like that would make you more comfortable. You can bring your toys, you can bring lube, you can bring, you know those things. Whips, we've seen plenty of. We've seen the whips. That's right. That's a thing. That's also a thing at the bar.

Don't be surprised or shocked when someone bends over and there's someone just whipping them. That's a nice, like flirty, playful kind of thing to do. This is fetish. I think. Oh, and remember we talked about consent, so. Mm-hmm. , no one's gonna blatantly just stick it in you , or like they're just, they like to enga engage in conversation and I think a lot of the.

People just go, is this okay? Are you okay if I do this? And I, I really enjoy that part. Yeah. Of the en environment. It's kind of awkward cuz you're like in the moment and you're just thinking of things, but it's not awkward in a sense that people are very considerate of where your head is at and how you're feeling to make sure that you feel safe and you feel secure as well, because they want it to be a good experience for you and you want it to be a good experience for them.

I like that from. Men and women nowadays, especially in, in the community, whereas I think the norm is not for a woman to ask for consent a lot. And I, that's kind of, that's very a gender bias thing, right? Um, but in that environment I've seen women like actually. Hey, is this okay? Is that, is, is this all right with you?

Those type of things, because I totally am gonna beat someone up. Cause I look like I would totally, no, I'm not beat someone up is someone, whatever. I'm not saying that, but I, I just touched you in a way that I just could not, but I think, I think that speaks volumes to. How important that is in the community.

Yeah. And by the way, I would never have ever say anything to a woman. I'd be like, why are you touching him? I would just tell Adrian like, no, , . Be like, no, use the safe word. Get outta here,  you. It's funny because we have such a chemistry where my note comes way before your note ever happens. Ah, that's like in That's right.

Sense. Like it's, it's happened so many times. Okay. So. We're getting off tangent now. You're in the, I'm sorry. Okay, so we're in the back. So we're in the.  and there's different rooms. So some clubs have a room where there is like a p a plexiglass, is that what it's called? Yeah. Yep. And the rooms are separated, but you can watch each other all.

All you have is glass in between. Yeah. All you have is glass. By the way, I also want to stress the importance that being in the lifestyle doesn't mean that it's giant orgies everywhere. And it also doesn't mean. You swap partners by the way, you can be considered in the lifestyle if you parallelly simply.

Yeah, enjoy having sex next to another couple. If you enjoy being watched, if it turns you on to be watched, if you like putting on a show, but you never swap or even typically engage, you can be in the lifestyle, sin in your own home, buy your long term, doing your own the lifestyle. A huge spectrum. You just described someone just watching porn and being in the lifestyle.

I'm not entirely sure. No, I That's where your mind went, but that's not what I was, I was picturing, but what were you picturing though? You're in the back and there's different rooms, the plexiglass room, all that good stuff. You just, you made it seem like they were at home. That's why I was really confused.

Yeah. Two people can be in the lifestyle at home. You're in some, the lifestyle is full spectrum. I know, but you made it seem like. , are they watching someone else and they're considering the lifestyle or are they like physically watching someone else? Or is it a person who just watches porn in home and then they're in the lifestyle?

No. No. I wouldn't consider that. No. I mean, so what were you considering? Like us home alone in some sort of lifestyle standard like that we would still be in the lifestyle. How? Because it's the life. It's literally life style. It's your version of. And I get there's a full, there's a spectrum. I'm so confused cuz now you're talking about like you can be considered in the lifestyle if you and your husband are just at home and you guys are doing it.

No, that's not what that means. I, I disagree. Any of you folks out there who are together in engaging in sex, you are considered in the lifestyle? I think so. No. Adrian, God forbid. I think so. I think it's worth a discussion, but I, I think so. I think there's, you think you may be that my parents are in the lifestyle.

I think they're in a version of it. , I knew what version please. The one where the, they don't do a whole lot of anything. Lifestyle . I guess when you put it that way, that makes more sense. Yes, babe. You can't throw everyone in the lifestyle. No, I'm not. I think it's just a matter of you being. Sex positive in a sense, but open to new experiences cuz we do come across people who you wouldn't consider that being in the lifestyle simply because you're not open to it.

For someone to blatantly just say, I would never do anything like that. Okay, great. That's what we call vanilla friends, by the way. Where you, that does separate in, right. Wait, you and vanilla don't mesh like you. Vanilla, we funfetti like there's a difference. Yeah. Okay. It's a good comparison. Yes. So that's also to say another boundary is what do we tell our friends?

Is there a boundary? Oh yeah. So we didn't, yeah, we never even talked about for us that earlier. For us, our vanilla friends and.  lifestyle friends don't mesh. They don't. But I also find that there are people in the lifestyle who long to have lifelong friends where you're not all sleeping together, but you simply just like being in companionship and hanging out with people who are like-minded, who are just as open to new experiences and questions and just the curiosity and.

Inquisitiveness of life. Like you just, you genuinely just wanna learn about life together and you want to grow together and you start kind of learning from each other of, Hey, what works for our relationship might work for your relationship, if that's something you wanna try, or being openly able to. New experiences without having the reactions of your vanilla friends going, you did what?

No. Hmm. And then that true. And then cutting you off from sharing your experiences completely. So , well, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I just see that. So that's the club. Okay. And you can, they usually stay open till about 4:00 AM so that's why they have breakfast. Will you explain like one. There are multiple rooms, correct?

There are, so there's also one of the clubs has, oh man. So I guess I never realized how much of, um, a. Per body positive person. I really am. Not for myself unfortunately, but like for others, so when we went to one of the trapeze clubs and there's a room for basically like, you can probably have like 20 couples in there, if not more.

Yeah. Easily. Yeah. And again, everything is wipeable. Put your towel down and such. Um, and everyone's kind of doing their own thing. This room has mirrors on the ceiling. It's like a straight up, like a music video. Like it just looks really cool. And when you see everyone engaged in whatever action that they're doing, it just looks really hot.

And it's not even like, I think hot is the wrong way for me to describe it, but it, it's very, It was just very beautiful cuz we were all, we were all just kind of doing our own thing and enjoying, like just being with our partner. But it's just parallel play. No one was swapping or anything. It was simply just enjoying a partner in a public setting almost.

But in the moment together, not having conversation, just sharing this one experience together. I think. So that was one.  going to that particular club, and both of 'em are trapeze, by the way. We're talking about trapeze, whether it be the Florida location or the Atlanta, not paid or endorsed by them. I'm just talking to you about our experiences.

But what's great about that is we had met similar like-minded couples end up all at this, this club, right? And we go to the back at a time in which no one is back there. Everybody's still drinking, everybody's still dancing, everybody's still eating. The mood just strikes and we just go back there, hit the locker, grab the towels, go back there, and I wanna say we were the only people back there at least engaging in something.

And then at some point in time we look up or you look up in the mirror. That's on the ceiling. So cool. And now there's like 20 couples around us. Like they slowly but surely like started coming back and it was like the friends we had met, they came back and they were like, oh, they're getting it. And then other people, speaking of which, okay, so during that experience, I have to tell you this, ladies and gentlemen, be prepared for people to kind of whisper to you and say things.

Indirectly. So we went to one of the clubs and this girl just very indirectly, , like hit on Adrian and we were just kind of standing there like, what just happened? When? When was this? It was the girl that goes, Oh, I want some of you tonight. Or she said something along the lines. It was, oh God. And Adrian.

Of course his face is acting like he's so flattered. No, no, no. Not flattered. Like he's so surprised. I, I, I don't remember it. That's I'm, you don't remember the African American woman who was with I do. I do. I do. I remember, sorry. There was other things that definitely take priority over over that. That was like such a minute moment.

You're right though. She. We were in the, it was because we were in the middle of the act. We weren't in the middle of the act. We were stripping and we were in like the locker room, and she saw you take off your clothes. See, I didn't remember her until later in the evening when we were in the middle of the act.

She didn't really think we were together. Let me just put it that way. Well, if she didn't know, then she knew by the end of the night. Yeah. Then she was feeling some kind of way after that. Now it so all the same we. First one's back there, mirror on the ceiling, and then slowly but surely, like 20 couples.

And, and then you get dressed and you go out and you eat. And then you go eat breakfast. You eat breakfast, and then you go home and you talk about it. Or no shower. You probably shower. You shower. And then probably do some more. Yes, we've, we've done that. So we reconnect a lot. Just in case you haven't noticed.

Yeah. A. . Yeah, but that's, you're right. That's, that's kind of the club in a, in a quick format. , we are happy to answer any questions that you might have about the club. Maybe it's something that you want to experience, but you're still hesitant about it. I still walk challenge you, my vanilla friends, to do something different, even if it's not in the club.

I think that's the one thing I want to send you off with. We challenge you to find something.  to do with your spouse, a new experience, but in a sex positive way there, maybe that is where you need to reconnect with your partner.  and you're just trying, like I've had someone that said, I'm just afraid they're gonna be bored with me.

Oh. And you know, their eyes go towards something else. Yeah. Or I'm afraid of trying a new toy, a new lube, a new enhancement cream, because I feel like I'm going to be replaced. So have those convers. You won't know how you really feel about it until you talk about it, until you talk about it and until you try it.

But the key here is doing it together. You have to be able to curate or an experience exclusively for you two with the intent of growing together. Because if you don't go in there with the intent of.  being there and just to connect with your partner. You have defeated the purpose of curating an experience just for y'all to grow together.

Because once you start growing together and once you start going, Hey, I really wanted to connect with you, genuinely connect with you. Mm-hmm.  with no other reason other than, I want you to feel safe in a space where you can have this new experience. If you want to try a new to. I wanna be supportive of that, and I can tell you if I don't like it or not.

Yeah, that's true. You just have to be open to, it's as it's, it's as simple as that. I think we often make communication very complex and it could even be more so.  in this community and this lifestyle starting out. Get to the simple point of it. Let's talk about it. So, so that's it. We always want to present kind of a new challenge for people who listen to us.

Yeah. That we just wanna encourage growth in all relationships and all walks of life. Just because I think that's the purpose of why we like recording what we talk about and our thoughts. Because we've really enjoyed growing with each other and we're tired of hearing the statistic of, you know, 50% of marriages end in divorce cuz they absolutely don't have to.

Um, when it's at least on the communication front. Yeah. When it, when the issue is communication. Yeah. You have to just be open to talking. Hey, by no means are we experts. No, we're. In all honesty, we're probably at the very start of this. I mean, this is where this thing started, right? And l luckily, maybe unluckily you get to come along the journey with us.

But I will say this, if you reach out to us on Instagram or you have a question or you wanna start a conversation or you don't know where to start the conversation, man, if, if I can go back in time.  probably have a resource like that I'd, I'd probably definitely use that. I wouldn't mind striking a conversation and saying, well, what about this feeling?

What about this nuance? Or how did you deal with this? I would like to think that we're pretty open to anyone who very wants to pick our brains about how it feels. Again, we are in by no means expert, but I would love to be able to. Provide you with an outlet. So just for you to just kind of explore your own thing, not a therapist, just think of it like, um, an on-air friend , we are your mixed up life friends,

That is a good way to put it. I like that. That's it. So we're gonna end on that note that we appreciate you listening and you know, until next time from your mixed up friends, , this has been the Mixed Up Life podcast and, uh, we appreciate you tuning in. We'll see you next. Bye guys. Thank you for tuning in to the Mixed Up Live.

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